Archive, hearsay and mildew
The origins of the Wonky Helmet Climbing Club are, regrettably, obscured by time, incomplete record keeping and what appears to have been a catastrophic misunderstanding of the concept of filing.
Club historians broadly agree that the organisation was established sometime around a century following 1926. More recent research has uncovered evidence suggesting alternative interpretations, though the Committee remains firmly committed to the traditional version of events.
What began as an informal gathering of climbers, hillwalkers and enthusiasts of unnecessary hardship soon developed into a respected institution dedicated to the pursuit of mountains, fellowship and the consumption of tea in increasingly improbable locations.
For generations the Club has encouraged adventure, good humour and the belief that almost any problem can be improved by fresh air, sturdy boots and the application of cake.
The Early Heroic Period
By the early years of the Club, membership had grown to include climbers, hillwalkers, scramblers and several individuals whose qualifications for admission have never been satisfactorily explained.
Early expeditions were organised with enthusiasm, determination and only a passing interest in planning. Contemporary accounts record successful outings across the Lake District, Yorkshire Dales and Peak District, although surviving reports focus almost exclusively on weather conditions, refreshments and debates concerning the shortest route back to the nearest tea shop.
It was during this period that many of the Club's enduring traditions became established. Members developed the practice of describing every steep ascent as “the last difficult section”, regardless of the evidence to the contrary. The carrying of emergency cake became an accepted safety measure, while route discussions frequently continued long after any practical purpose had expired.
Club records from this era also contain the first references to the Wonky Helmet Principle, a now cherished belief that perfection is largely overrated and that most worthwhile adventures involve a degree of uncertainty, inconvenience and mild confusion.
By the end of the period, the Club had earned a reputation for good fellowship, dependable companionship and a remarkable ability to find itself on the wrong side of a mountain while remaining entirely convinced that everything was proceeding according to plan.
Throughout its history, the Club has undertaken expeditions to mountains, hills, ridges and other elevated features considered worthy of investigation. Whilst the Club makes no formal distinction between great achievements and enjoyable afternoons, the following ascents have become part of Club folklore.
Undertaken by Club Members Nancy, Ava and Edyth, this ascent is remembered as a fine demonstration of determination, courage and good judgement in the face of steep rock and significant exposure. The route remains one of the most celebrated entries in the Club record books.
The smallest of the Lake District fells and therefore held in particularly high regard by those seeking efficient mountaineering. The summit has been visited by numerous members, including Sir Cedric.
The scene of several Club expeditions and at least one heated debate concerning the proper quantity of tea required for safe passage.
Frequently selected for introductory expeditions owing to its accessible nature and exceptional views. Committee records indicate that several members were convinced it was significantly higher than official measurements suggest.
Perfection is largely overrated and most worthwhile adventures involve uncertainty, inconvenience and mild confusion.
Any steep ascent may be described as “the last difficult section”, irrespective of how much remains.
The carrying of emergency cake is recognised as a sensible precaution and morale-saving intervention.
No expedition shall be considered fully complete until at least one member has produced a suitable beer and initiated discussion regarding the quality of the day’s route, the accuracy of the map and the precise moment at which everything began to go wrong.
Members may debate alternative routes for several years after the original expedition.
Many important mountaineering decisions are made in public houses. Remarkably few improve upon further consideration.
Any member discovering evidence that contradicts the official history is respectfully encouraged to exercise discretion.
Current President
Sir Cedric W. Thimbleby is the current President and has held the office for a number of years that nobody has successfully established with certainty.
While familiar at Club events, annual dinners and public houses throughout the North of England, remarkably little is known of his early life.
Members speak highly of his wisdom, storytelling and unwavering commitment to fellowship, adventure and arriving at the pub before last orders.
It is generally accepted that Sir Cedric has climbed extensively throughout Britain and beyond. Exactly where, when and with what degree of success remains under discussion.
“A mountain is merely a hill that has committed itself properly.”
Sir Cedric W. Thimbleby
Whilst Sir Cedric rarely speaks of his accomplishments directly, Club records, committee minutes and conversations overheard in public houses have attributed the following achievements to him: